I get so fed up, that sometimes I think I should just kill myself, and don’t even try to tell me you feel me, cause sometimes I dont even feel myself, So numb and confused, I don’t know what I should feel myself, and I’ve gotten so empty on the inside, that I dont know … Myself – Marcos Henderson
Artist Statement:
I cannot draw at all, so I have to be content with painting my pictures in people’s minds with words. I can’t even do stick figures. Even my handwriting is suspect. I try my best to make up for it with my diction. As for the last poem I sent, with so much going on in the world, I just feel that all peoples lives need to be taken into consideration. I’m Black, and I feel where the women who started the #BlackLivesMatter movement are coming from. I also have a perspective that isn’t mentioned much though: I am from a ‘hood’ that is gang infested, and I have lost a lot of peers to gun violence. All by other black people. I say that to say that, coming from a Gang Culture and seeing that culture promoted through music, the movement needs to be preached hard in the gang areas. I myself see the need personally for people such as myself to spread that message. I am no longer an active gang member, but I still interact with those who are. With so many people committing suicide, I feel that these people need to be made to feel and understand that their lives matter as well. I mean to take your own life, you have to feel as though it doesn’t matter. Prior to my coming to the Feds I no longer felt my life matter, so I was willing to risk it over all and everything – most of the things were not worth dying for. I know that no one single person can change the world, but maybe if those who have the knowledge, wisdom, understanding and willingness to do so, start with our communities, maybe it will spread. The work has to start at home.
Find Marcos’ interviews with JAC intern, Iris Lin, below. These interviews were held as a part of JAC’s ongoing “Recording Project”. Recordings can also be found on JAC’s Soundcloud page.