“LIFE, BALANCE AND LOVE”
My name is Cory Sitsler. I’m 29 years old. I have a story to tell, one about Life, Balance and Love. I’m no expert, nor philosopher, but, I do hold two distinct edges to my double edged sword, if you will, one being “Time”. I have been incarcerated for 7 years and roughly 6 years to go on my sentence.
Before I go more into that, let me give you a brief history of my background. I was born in Albany, Oregon. I have a loving mother, who has loved me from day one. Even though she has been through a lot, she still did her very best to raise me and point me in the right direction in life. I have struggled with A.D.H.D. and Tourette’s Syndrome. I was very creative but I struggled to keep still and to associate with others. I was curious and often got into trouble. There came a time when I was put into juvenile programs and course corrections. While there I became bitter, angry and violent.
I never met my father but I received some of his height. I grew fast into a gangly young man. The combination of strength, height and anger was not a good one and was told that if I did not change my ways that they would eventually lead me down a dark and lonely path. I was 15 years old and I wanted out of that place so I did everything necessary, play nice, graduate and move on. While I was in that place I picked up some bad habits like cursing and being violent. I was institutionalized and suffered from P.T.S.D. as I was stepping back into the outside world around family and back in a new school. I realized the problems that plagued my heart and mind but instead of putting my tools to work that I learned in therapy to calm and ease my mind I took a different avenue which was a sinister way.
I turned to drugs and I was in a Catch-22 situation. The drugs brought an immediate euphoric solution, but… it did not last. Then comes a deep and terrible bitterness that sows its seed, takes root, then devours its host. You become a puppet to this dark, evil and ancient puppet master. He will not release you from his grip ’till he has drained and kills you!
Unbeknown, there was another more powerful and Ancient Power that fought on my behalf. You can guess what happened next. I thought I was an adult now, knew all the answers and no one could tell me different so I left home and set off on my quest in search of life “Alone”, yet I was not “Alone” was I? There were two hitchhikers firmly planted in my soul, One sinister and one of “Love”. The Sinister one took the lead, filled with anger and self-righteousness. I was very prideful in a world that needed conquering by “Great Big Bad Cory”. It’s what pushed me forward.
I went back to my home state and got into a lot of different things,… partying, drinking, fighting, sleeping around with women and breaking the law. I was undeterred from the path I chose and ran head first into my first problem. I got sick and figured I could cure my ailment with drugs and alcohol a plenty but it made things worse. In fact, so bad, that I had to call 911 and was rushed by ambulance to the hospital. My diagnosis was “dehydration”, due to all of the alcohol I drank and all the smoke I inhaled. I forgot to drink water, L.O.L. , but seriously it wasn’t my first encounter with a near death experience. One time, when I was little I was playing basketball and tried to dunk it, well I did, but… I turned around and the next thing I knew it was lights out! I woke up to my mom putting an icepack on my head. She said, “No matter what, do not drink out of the Ice Pack!” Her words fell on deaf ears and I got thirsty, opened the pack and I drank some of the frozen chemicals. I had swallowed a mouthful of the poison and once again I was rushed to the hospital and given medication to make me to throw up the poison. Many times I came close to death. I attempted suicide and failed. I tried again then changed my mind. I’ve used drugs by shooting them up, some of which should have clogged my veins but somehow didn’t. I’ve used meth, heroin, cocaine, marijuana, alcohol, all types of pill, I’ve huffed gasoline, air duster and even Freon from A/C units. I honestly don’t know how I’m not dead or a permanent vegetable. ***I take that back. I do know why none of that killed me. GOD was looking out for me and saved me! *** I thought I was “lucky” but, it was always God with His Hand on my life. I did have moments of divine blessings, where opportunities literally fell into my lap. Most people would work their tails off for these opportunities and yet, I squandered them because I only thought about drugs & alcohol UNTIL……one day I broke the law. I was charged and now I sit in prison with a lengthy sentence, my luck had run out and here I sit to stay awhile…
…So I come back to that doubled-edged sword that I talked about, “TIME”. Prison is an evil and dark place that will swallow you if you allow it. I have chosen to not let it control or define me or my future. The first couple of years I struggled with the drug habit that demon had its hooks in me so deep-rooted that it caused desperation. I reminisced about Love and Hope and God sent a friend across my path, who had a helping hand, to help me to along a different path. He told me it wasn’t easy, but, it leads to Life and away from death. I accepted his helping hand and the sure footing on this new path. I did trip and stumble and still do at times, but, he is patient and understanding. The Light of Jesus has shown brightly through him to me as a Brother in Christ. He helps me find my footing time and time again. My Friend and Brother in Christ, his name is Harold Johnson, with his help, “Jesus, The King of Kings” has become the Lord of my Life, and has helped plant a seed of hope in my heart. It grew with the Water of Life and has taken root. With this root it began to banish that evil that had a hold of me and shook its gnarled claws loose.
Jesus took first place in my heart and I see Life differently. I began to cherish Life, to find balance and to let Love guide my footsteps towards my goal in Life. I’m not perfect or have all the answers in life, but, I’ve been filled with a gift of Wisdom that comes from God and not man. He corrects and encourages me. I share this story with you because I want others to experience God’s Love Peace and Purpose in Life. I have been through hell and life has not been kind to me, but I refuse to blame the world and to be just another scar on our planet or to not contribute anything positive to mankind. I want to make a real lasting change and difference on Earth and in Heaven.
I have gotten healthy, taken different classes on self-improvement, got my G.E.D., study my dictionary, Bible Study Courses and study my Bible which helps to renew my mind daily. It isn’t easy. It’s hard at times, but, the hardships will pay off and will be rewarded. Life is worth fighting for. There are many lost people of every race, color, creed, rich and poor, those who are overlooked and forgotten or looked down upon.
Hold on to “Courage” because I declare there is Hope in God. If I can have this hope, so can you! Don’t give up. Keep fighting the Good Fight! You never know
who you may meet, so be kind, show love to those who would bare their teeth and hurl insults, fight with LOVE! Stop the cycle of hatred and be a Light to the Lost!
There is much I haven’t shared with you but you get the picture. We have to learn to have balance. Too much to one side and you will topple over. Fight for life, use Love to give Hope and make a difference in this world. We are worth fighting for. Step out of your comfort zone, truly look at the world, don’t judge with your eyes, because more often than not, you will be deceived by your own eyes. Open your heart and truly see. There are people out there who need you. Broken people keep breaking people which creates a vicious cycle of pain and death. Be a Cycle Breaker, Begin a New Trend, One with LOVE.
We all have done wrong things. We have hurt ourselves and others. All have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God – Romans 3:23. Our sin keeps us from knowing God as a Loving Father, but God loves us in spite of our sin. He loves us so much He sent His Son to die for us. God so loved the world that He gave His One and Only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16 When He died, Jesus took the punishment we deserved for our sins. Do you want to make Jesus your Savior? It’s simple. Admit that you are a sinner and ask God to forgive you. Believe in Jesus in your heart and confess Him as your Lord and Savior with your mouth. You can pray like this: ” Dear Jesus, I am a sinner, please forgive me. I believe You are the Son of God. Thank You for dying for me on the cross for my sins. Come into my life and be Lord of my life today. Thank You for saving me! ”
If you prayed this prayer and meant it with all your heart, your sins are forgiven and you have eternal life. Turn from your sin, get a Bible, study it and renew your mind. You may stumble but don’t give up. Keep fighting the good fight and the Holy Spirit will guide you. Find a spiritual mentor, find a Bible Study and it will help you understand God’s Word and help you to have a super relationship with God.